So Meg posted this fun thought experiment over at Fair Game, and I couldn’t resist playing along. It’s a silly exercise in narcissism and nostalgia – or is it?
Name twelve characters you have played, and their games:
1. Bulldrag the Magician (D&D)
2. Jason Dinalt (Morrow Project)
3. Viktor Kovalyanov (Bureau 13)
4. Barney DeVleig (FTL-2448)
5. Dr. Hakim Jumla-Salala (GURPS)
6. Baden of Cwmbran (Pendragon)
7. Clancy Wolf (Electropunk Homebrew)
8. Okko SirkiÃ¤ (Icelandic Saga homebrew)
9. Toro Musashi (TSOY)
10. Fu Shang (TSOY)
11. Raed Jamil, the Black Prophet (Face of Angels)
12. Alvin Berkey (Dogs in the Vineyard)
1) Who would make a better college professor: Baden of Cwmbran, or Raed Jamil?
Raed Jamil, being the Black Prophet, is a manifestation of implacable good and is wise beyond understanding. He’d probably be an easy grader, too.
2) Do you think Jason Dinalt is hot? How hot?
As the purest mirror to thirteen-year-old masculine anxiety, I’d say he’s ruggedly handsome, but not too ruggedly handsome. He’s got scars. He only smiles when things are going very wrong. So not hot per se, but every woman wants him and every man fears him.
3) Alvin Berkey sends Okko SirkiÃ¤ on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
Well, it’s a *mission* – the King of Life obviously called him to witness to his people in distant Velland, Land of Artifice, across the endless, ice-choked Grimsjor. Of course it succeeds!
4) What is, or would be, Toro Musashi’s favorite book?
He’s a big fan of his father’s Book of Five Rings.
5) Would it make more sense for Jason Dinalt to swear fealty to Baden of Cwmbran, or the other way around?
Since Jason Dinalt is a destructive sociopath with his own one-man helicopter, I think he would kneel before exactly nobody. And he’s got the guns to prove he’s the most awesome, so Baden would have to swear fealty to him.
6) For some reason, Dr. Sulala is looking for a room-mate. Should they share a studio apartment with Toro Musashi, or Fu Shang?
I think he’d get along better with Fu Shang, who is a little devious and conflict-averse. Toro Musashi’s basically a samurai – no fun at parties.
7) Jason Dinalt, Clancy Wolf, and Alvin Berkey have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Delmonico’s restaurant on Fifth Avenue in New York, 1915. Clancy knows the head waiter, whose son works at the Oppenheimer-Pettibone airship factory. They would certainly talk about flying and the wonders of the air.
8) Viktor Kovalyanov challenges Fu Shang to a duel. What happens?
Kovalyanov brings his sniper rifle. Fu Shang opens a hole in the ground as his opponent is setting up his blind, and plunges him into the Hell of Chains for all eternity. Then he weeps.
9) If Bulldrag stole Okko SirkiÃ¤’s most precious possession, how would they get it back?
Okko SirkiÃ¤’s most precious possession is his Vellander citizenship, so losing that would involve magical treachery. Bulldrag would probably cast a spell to ensorcel Rami Varjo, leader of the western Vellanders, and make him accuse Okko of consorting with the Alvar vein-mother. Eventually they’d sort it all out and Bulldrag and Okko would go slay beasts together.
10) Suggest a title for a story in which Clancy Wolf and Alvin Berkey both attain what they most desire.
THE MARTIAN AIRSHIP FLIES TO HEAVEN
11) What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Barney DeVleig and Bulldrag to work together?
Bulldrag would be transported through a magical backfire into the gritty, hard-SF world of Barney DeVleig, finding himself on the command deck of the ISCO Dogwood. Then they would fight crime!
12) If Clancy Wolf visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
Splendidly. I’d pick his brain about the Edwardian era and take him to NC State’s engineering library.
13) If you could command Viktor Kovalyanov to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
To root out the scary half-man half-fish creature that lives in my creek, and figure out why it is so upset.
14) Does anyone on your friends list resemble Raed Jamil (either in appearance or personality)?
No, not a one.
15) If Jason Dinalt had to choose sides between Dr. Sulala and Barney DeVleig, which would it be?
Dr. Sulala, definitely, because Sulala is pretty hardcore, coming from a culture that values lineage and reputation over personal identity. He and Dinalt wouldn’t hesitate to shoot a guy in the face. DeVleig’s a softy.
16) What might Fu Shang shout while charging into battle?
“Forgive me, brother! I love you!”
17) If you chose a song to represent Okko SirkiÃ¤, which song would you choose?
Quarashi’s song “Tarfur”. Icelandic rap-rock.
18) Bulldrag, Baden of Cwmbran, and Alvin Berkey are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
Bulldrag, who teleports it into his mouth with arcane magic.
19) What might be a good pick-up line for Jason Dinalt to use on Fu Shang?
Jason Dinalt is a red-blooded American man. He only uses his stunningly effective pick-up lines on American women. Come to think of it, he is way too tough to even pick up on women. He spends all his time alone in his one-man helicopter. He’s very, very tough.
20) What would Dr. Sulala most likely be arrested for?
Shooting an injured comrade in the back of the head, conducting a “battlefield assisted exit” in the tradition of his people, the Kromahr. Not everybody appreciates that sort of behavior.
21) What is Baden of Cwmbran’s secret?
If I recall correctly he married his sister. He did something horrible, anyway, and spent a lot of time chained in a dungeon in Cornwall.
22) If Raed Jamil and Toro Musashi were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Raed Jamil, because he’s a fucking superhero prophet.
23) If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of Clancy Wolf or Okko SirkiÃ¤?
Clancy Wolf is a fat old man with a bum leg and Okko SirkiÃ¤ is an expert swordsman and magical fairy-dude. You do the math.
24) Bulldrag and Toro Musashi reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by Barney DeVleig’s sinister secret organization. Raed Jamil volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he/she is actually a spy for Barney. Meanwhile, DeVleig has kidnapped Alvin Berkey in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Dr. Sulala, they seek out V.S. Kovalyanov, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?
GARY GYGAX PRESENTS: MULTIPOLARITY WAR III