Bryan Hansel’s great game fiction (edited to make it fit the “warrior” art, which makes it even funnier) in which he lovingly channels the 13-year-old Korn fan who is re-writing D&D:
Fyren Cloudfloater stood at the edge of the precipice and stared down into the rushing water below.
Behind her, slowly climbing down the cliff that separated her and her men from the safety of the plateau, a mass of an amorphous blob slowly climbed down. Fyren pulled her mace from its sheath with a quick jerk and loud swoosh, and the sound of the mace rung into her ears and into her mind. She remembered back to her childhood when the mace now in her hand belonged to her father, Besyrwan the Waterwalker. On the last day of her father’s life, Fyren watched him walk across the water and before she could warn her father, she saw a cliff shark fall out of its nest and land in the water. The wave quickly splashed, rolled, and turned as a frothy white bubbling gurgle until it rolled over her father.
Besyrwan was no more.
Days later, the waterlogged corpse floated to the shore and Fyren retrieved the mace, her father’s mace. It was that fateful day, when her father drown from the wave created by the falling cliff shark, that Fyren vowed to carry her father’s mace and fight the forces that would cause the drowning and falling.
Awaking from her remembrance, Fyren took a final look into the Canyon of Falling Rocks and turned towards the blob — now closer. She knew in his heart that if this blob approached any closer, she would be forced off the cliff, and she would fall to her death in the frothy whitewater below. Would she drown or die from the fall, she didn’t know, but Fyren didn’t want to find out.
At the top of her lungs, Fyren called out, “Men, fight! Fight for your lives, or I’ll throw you over the edge myself.”
The other adventures pulled their swords and axes and readied their spell books. They all joined the battle cry, “I will not drown or fall!” They rushed the slowly climbing amorphous blob with Fyren in the lead.